Changes – where are you?
Have you noticed that when you make that first commitment to marry the person of your dreams something changes in you? Sometimes it’s for the better and sometimes the changes make you wonder. Then (or maybe before), a baby may come along and there are even more changes. Before you know it, you are looking in the mirror and feel lost in your own skin. Who is that woman that I see in the mirror now? Who have I become? It feels like who we are disappears, and we have to learn about ourselves again. When I work with mums, I find this story repeated over and over. All it takes, though, is taking some alone time with some guided questions to open that door and see yourself again. Are you ready to find yourself again? Then, let’s begin, and take an honest look at you.
One hour for you
Ok, wife, mum, woman, here’s the plan. I want you to look at your calendar for this week and pick one night for you. Set aside one hour just for you. Tell your partner that your goal after this hour is to be happier and “happy wife, happy life” is a saying for a reason. They will be on kid duty so go somewhere that will be quiet and not easily accessible. This might mean you are sitting outside in your car and that’s ok. Silence your phone and distance yourself from distractions. Now that you have the day and setting planned let’s get into what you’ll need to do during that hour.
Bring paper and pen because thoughts may flood out and you’ll need to capture what you can. Journals are great for this because they keep everything in one contained area. Take a deep breath. This may get emotional, so I recommend tissues…lots of them. Ready?
Ok, let’s talk. How are you?
Ok, wife, mum, woman, let’s talk. How are you? No short answers. How are you really? In fact, literally write that on your paper “How am I?” and answer below it as much as you want to. No one is going to judge your answer, so share honestly. Next question, what have you changed about yourself since being a wife? Follow up with, what have you changed about yourself since becoming a mum? Now, you may be thinking, “Katie, this is going to have me focus on a lot of potentially negative thoughts,” but we can’t get anywhere if we don’t know where we are starting from. How “lost” are you in your role as a wife and mum? The above questions will help you find out.
Next, let’s get focused on who you were before becoming a wife and mum. Here are the questions to answer:
- What was my personality like before being a wife? Before being a mum?
- What did I enjoy doing?
- What was I passionate about?
- What motivated me each day, week, and year?
After answering those questions, explore who you are now:
- What am I good at now?
- What positive changes have occurred in me?
- What makes me smile and laugh hysterically now?
- What am I passionate about?
- What motivates me?
Pt 2 of this post to follow next week
This fabulous guest post is written by a finest mum, Katie Rössler. Katie is a licensed professional counselor from the United States living in Germany. She has over 10 years experience working with individuals, couples and families on improving their lives and relationships. She also is the creator of the From Stay at Home Mom to Chief Household Officer program (http://fromsahmtocho.com) which teaches and empowers mothers who stay at home full or part-time to run their households like entrepreneurs do a business. Most importantly, she teaches mums how to find themselves again no matter what their job is. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook @FromSAHMtoCHO.