Have you ever felt like something’s going wrong in your relationship that doesn’t make sense, yet you can’t put your finger on exactly what is wrong? You’ve tried, and tried, and tried, such that you hardly recognise yourself anymore. Yet, whatever you do, it doesn’t work. Your husband, partner, parent, sibling, friend or co-worker is still angry, not satisfied, demeans or dismisses you, and makes everything out to be your fault. For every period of “good times” you have with this individual, you can never quite relax fully because you don’t know what will trigger a return to the bad times. You are constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of your own shadow, second guessing yourself and too scared to say what you really want or feel, for fear it will upset this other individual. You can be seen to be functioning well to the outside world, the envy of others, but behind closed doors you’re a shell, toxically obsessed with trying to be perfect in order to please an individual that you just can’t seem to please except when you put your essence, wishes, hopes, passions aside to fully operate on those of this person. Exhausting, miserable, draining.

If any of this feels familiar or feels too close for comfort, you might want to consider that the other party you’re in a relationship with is a toxic abusive individual or a narcissist. If you’ve found this page because you’re pondering some of these questions or issues I’m so sorry. You are the victim of abuse and you didn’t and don’t deserve it.


I want you to know that You Are Not Alone. It might feel like it, and most likely your abuser has done such a good job of isolating you from your loved ones. For some you might still be allowed to talk with your loved ones, but you don’t confide in them either because you’ve been manipulated into believing they don’t want your best interest. Or you’ve been conditioned to believe that the abuse you receive is not even really abuse because it’s your fault, or the goings on behind closed doors is so abnormal, and would be hard to explain to others or believed if you were even brave enough to open your mouth and give an inkling into what’s really going on.

I’ve been there. It’s horrible. You don’t have to suffer in silence, or go through this alone. If you’d like to talk in confidence to someone who understands what you’re going through, can give some insight and provide some clarity to help you figure out what to do, send an email to us at [email protected]. You can also join our Facebook group at Black Queens Against Abuse for a safe space to get information, tips and support.

Related blog posts

Life after narcissistic abuse – Overcoming

Case study in abuse: Johnny Depp and Amber Heard

A domestic violence journey – Pt 1