Introduction
Time heals, and that’s a good thing, because it allows us to move on even if we are never fully repaired. And in certain situations (like the kind filled with trials that leave one so broken), how can you be put back together the way you once were? You can’t. But you can do the next best thing – heal and keep moving forward. Telling our stories also helps with the healing. The expression of emotions, using letters, words and sound to give them a voice. In a way it gives ourselves and others a chance to admit and accept our strengths, our weaknesses, our humanity.
The following is an extract from an upcoming book being written by a phenomenal mum – Debbie Yetunde Sesay. It is her raw account of her trials, her loss, her struggles, her acceptance, her and her family’s strength through God’s grace, and ultimately her steps to overcoming and victories gained. This is a book YOU WILL WANT TO READ. This story is not shared to elicit sympathy. On the contrary, it is shared to inspire you to see through her story, that whatever your challenge, you can make it through. To know that even through the toughest trials God is faithful. You can love in the face of trials.
It all started with….
….. a troublesome tummy issue that wouldn’t go away. An issue I had been nursing for a while, and refused to address, as I was loathe or perhaps fearful of what I might find out. It turned out to be a condition that would affect my fertility and potential ability to carry a child to full term. Fast forward to 3 months after surgery, and 2 months before my wedding to a man who wants 6 kids…..
I was asked by my consultant, “Miss Odunsi…… what are your thoughts about IVF?”
I was like, “Pardon?”
He said to my fiancé and I, “Your pelvis is in such a terrible state. I’m not sure you can have kids”.
My fiancé said, “It’s okay sir (it was a Nigerian doctor), we will look into it, and if she doesn’t want it we will adopt”.
This was 10th March 2005.
How do I deal with this?
Questions flew out of me, “Why are you so calm?” “Would you really adopt?” “Alhassan are you sure???”
He said to me, “I don’t get you. If we can’t have kids, we can’t have kids. Are we going to die cause of that? There are thousands of kids looking for homes so we will take as many of them as we want.”
This was strange to me. I felt, this is a guy that loves kids. We aren’t even married yet, and he’s approaching this as “we”? Really??? I mean who does that? Are you sure you don’t want to run?
Do you believe in miracles?
I went on my knees. I cried, I prayed, I cried again, and started to mentally get to terms with trying IVF.
On 23rd March 2005 I decided to clear out my lingerie box. Nesting at the bottom was a pregnancy test kit I had bought 200 moons ago. The phone rang so I picked up the call. It was my friend, Tolu. So I walked into the loo to bin the stick. I needed to wee, so I sat down to wee whilst still on the phone, and for some strange reason decided to wee on the stick before binning it. “SHOOOOT 2 PINK LINES!” Tolu asks, “What’s that?” My response, “SH#T, I’M PREGNANT!”
So here I went from “you are possibly never going to have kids”, to “Madam – you are pregnant with twins”.
But that wasn’t the miracle of you…. The miracle is much more deeper and profound than that of a miracle pregnancy. Little did I know the full extent of what was about to unfold.
Something’s not right
A few weeks later, I feel sick…
“It’s okay”, said Al. “It must be the usual morning sickness. You will be fine”.
I said, “No, Alhassan this doesn’t feel right. I feel like there’s something wrong.”
Al found me a comfortable spot in the living room and also found a corner for a discreet stationary bowl to capture my gangster ‘sick’, which just would not let up. This went on for a while until Al got home one day to a pregnant woman that was almost unresponsive. YES, UNRESPONSIVE!
“Yetunde, what is this in the bowl? he questioned. “Is it blood?” He dipped his hand in the sick and screamed. “Yetunde you are throwing up blood!! I’m calling the ambulance”.
The diagnosis
Your wife has a condition called hyperemesis, but it’s an extremely severe case. She has ++++ ketones in her urine which shows severe dehydration. We have to do a scan to see how the baby is doing, and also hook her up to a pump to manage her condition.
Extract 2 coming soon. You can read more personal stories and posts on our Hard Talk page.
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I am gripped by the story. I cannot wait to see how it ended. What I can say so far is that it takes a lot of courage for one to be open and share their story about fertility and marriage. Well done Debbie! I am sure your story will inspire and give hope to many.
I look forward to further reading.
Thank you Uju for publishing the story.
Thanks for taking the time to read it. The extracts shared on this platform barely scratch the surface on what this family has gone through, but if you met Debbie today you would never know. I am truly inspired by human strength and will, and of course God’s grace that makes the difference in those who overcome, where others crumble. That’s why it’s important to share such stories whenever we can, to inspire and motivate others to know they can overcome too, and secondly that they are not alone.
Hope you’ve been able to read extracts 2 and 3 which have also been posted.